Zim the Prophet
by Didjargo
Summary: Reflecting on the cold truth that Dib always manages to stay two steps ahead of him and his evil plans, Zim aims to oneup his opponent’s advantage by modifying his ocular implants so that he can predict the future and remain four steps ahead of Dib.


Zim the Prophet

Reflecting on the cold truth that Dib always manages to stay two steps ahead of him and his evil plans, Zim aims to one-up his opponent's advantage by modifying his ocular implants so that he can predict the future and remain four steps ahead of Dib.

EXT. TREE ON A HILL OVERLOOKING TOWN- DAY

A bird pulls a worm from the ground and flutters up the tree to its nest where it will feed the worm to it's young- it's really peaceful and happy like. Suddenly an explosion erupts at the skool, the bird drops the worm.

EXT. FRONT OF SKOOL- DAY

Dib is standing on the front steps looking up at something in the sky. We can hear Zim screaming from a distance getting louder.

ZIM (falling from the sky) (in his disguise) (OS)

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I HOPE I LAND ON SOMETHING SOOOFFFT! (THUD)

Zim falls into the scene and hits the ground at full force several feet from where Dib is standing. Dib looks at Zim very nonchalant. A large pile of blue jeans land on Zim, followed by Melvin who genteelly bounces off the pile and runs off making a happy goat sound. Zim staggers to stand under the weight of the pants as Dib approaches him.

DIB (gloating)

Well Zim, it looks like yet another one of your evil plots to destroy the earth has been averted thanks to me, DIB!

Zim, still struggling to stand, growls at Dib. Dib moves closer to Zim getting right in his face.

DIB (really gloating now)

…And you might have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that one gaping flaw in your plan, which _I_ exploited. (he is so proud of himself)

Zim snaps straight up tossing the pants off of him in a feat of strength.

ZIM

FLAW? Stupid Dib human, my plans are ingenious! And any (mockingly) _flaws_ you might find in them are completely FOOL PROOF!

DIB

Oh yeah? Well- wait, what did you say?

ZIM

Ha! I do not need to explain myself to you! I am going to go home now and devise the most hideous, evil, and flawless plan to destroy all humans and you won't be able to do anything about it. Here I go now, bye.

Zim begins walking away.

DIB (yelling at Zim)

Go ahead and plot all you want Zim, as long as I'm around you'll never succeed! I'll always be two steps ahead of you!

INT. ZIM'S LAB- NIGHT

Zim (out of his disguise) sits at a large drafting table like console in a dimly lit room (the only light source being the console's screen), he is tapping an electronic pen in his hand, and the screen on the console is completely white. Dib's words are echoing in his head. A distracting squeaking noise can be heard in the background with the occasional sound of Gir giggling. Zim stares very intensely at the blank screen. His eyes begin to twitch at the sound of the squeaking. Finally Zim turns around and yells into the darkness.

ZIM

Gir stop that noise right now!

The noise stops.

Beat

Zim turns his chair back around to the console. He comes face to face with Gir who is now sitting on the console.

GIR (out of his disguise)

Whacha drawing?

Zim is so surprised by this that he falls off his chair.

ZIM (laying on the ground)

(Screech, screech) oh, ahem… Gir. I'm just. You know, trying to devise another evil plan to… (sigh) destroy all humans.

Gir turns around and slides down the face of the console, looking up at the screen.

GIR

Ooooooh, Its an albino piggy in a… in a marshmallow tree! No wait, it a snowman in a bathtub full of may-o-nays. No wait I know! I KNOW!

Gir leaps off the console and lands on Zim's chest, grabbing him by the cheeks.

GIR (speaking as if he has just discovered something profound)

… It's (inhale) EVERYTHING!

ZIM

No Gir.

GIR

Oh… well is it a-

Zim pushes Gir off of him.

ZIM

No Gir, it's nothing. I haven't actually started yet.

GIR (looking back at the console)

Ooh, I see it now.

Zim paces back and forth, Gir completely ignores him as he grabs a remote out of his head compartment and starts flipping through television channels on the console screen.

ZIM

The Dib human's words trouble me, You and I both know that when an Irken makes a plan it never fails, so how does Dib always manage to one-up me. It is like he said- he is always two-steps ahead of me… That's it; I must be four steps ahead of myself. Only then will I not be two stepping behind Dib's… feet? Yes, that's perfect, but how do I-

Gir turns up the volume on the TV to tune out Zim's ramblings.

ZIM

…Gir, Gir are you listening?

Zim looks up at the screen. A mockery of the Miss Cleo commercial is playing.

Ms. Scammo (on the TV)

Hello all of my gullible watchers. I am Ms. Scammo here to tell you complete gibberish; I mean your future…(extended dialog)

The previous line grabs Zim's interest.

ZIM

The future! Hmmm, yes, YES! I'm a genius!

Zim runs off into the darkness laughing hysterically, Gir joins in with the laughing than turns his attention back to the TV.

INT. ZIM'S LAB- DAWN

Zim is standing at a lab table with one of his eyeballs popped out of his head. He is probing it with various tools. He finishes up some last probing and holds the eyeball up to examine it. We see the point of view of the popped out eye as he examines it. Zim grins with satisfaction and pops the eyeball back into his head. Zim turns around to face a ridiculously large laser eye surgery type machine aimed directly at his eyes. He pulls a switch and an AMAZING beam of energy zaps Zim in the eyes. He turns the beam off and smoke raises from his eyes. One of his eyes twitches a bit.

ZIM

Yes, this should just about do it, but first to test it. Oh Gir, Gir come here please.

The sound of Gir laughing and bouncing around in the air vents can be heard.

ZIM

Gir?

A brief flash of white light streaks across Zim's eyes and horrible images of Gir cannon balling through a particular vent in the wall and tackling Zim appear. Zim returns to normal, looks at the vent Gir will be coming out of. He then grabs a steel plate from the lab table, runs over to the vent and holds it up in front of it, standing gracefully to the side, out of harm's way. Gir comes cannon balling through the vent as per the prediction only this time he comes head first with the steel plate. His head dents the plate and he gets stuck in it as he rolls onto the floor. He then pulls his head out of the steel plate.

GIR

Yay! You've found me!

ZIM

Yes Gir, but aren't you wondering how I did that?

GIR (doing a little dance)

No.

ZIM (ignoring what Gir just said)

Ho ho, it's simple really. I've modified my ocular implants to display the immediate consequences of my actions, thusly predicting the future and plotting my actions to obtain the most favorable outcome.

GIR

Wait, didn't you already try that whole time thingy before.

ZIM

Ha ha, yes well, that never actually happened.

GIR

But I remember it. You took my piggies and-

ZIM (screaming)

I said that never happened!

Gir whimpers a little and holds the piggy with the message from the episode "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy" up to his chest.

ZIM

Yes well, now I will show the DIB human what an Irken is really capable of and- oh geez I'm late!

Zim rushes to the elevator putting on his disguise. Gir watches him leave than looks at the vent he just came through, he runs off screen and comes back pushing a random console and presses it up against the vent. He then runs off again giggling followed by the sounds of Gir bouncing around in the vents again.

GIR (OS) (in air vents)

Woo Hoo hoo hooo!

INT. SKOOL MS. BITTER'S CLASS- MORNING

The word's "the Roman Empire" are printed on the board. Everyone is in their seats except for Zim, who is not present.

MS. BITTERS

And that's when the lions were released to feed on the-

Zim bursts through the door in his disguise.

MS. BITTERS

ZIM! You're late!

ZIM

My apologies but I had a doctor's appointment (working up his diabolical voice here) yes, an appointment with the… EYE doctor!

The camera slowly trucks in on Zim's face as the screen gradually takes on a red tint.

ZIM

Mwa Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha AAAH ha ha ha ha ha Gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Zim's evil laughing comes to a very abrupt stop and the camera and screen tint returns to normal just as quickly. Zim just wears a completely blank look on his face.

Beat

MS. BITTERS

Whatever just sit down. We were just talking about the unspeakable acts throughout history that will DOOM the human race.

ZIM

Oh, sounds fun.

Zim walks to his desk.

MS. BITTERS

Now let's move on to the holy crusades. (Extended dialog)

Zim is slowly lowering his butt into his seat. Dib watches him intensely expecting something big to happen. Just before the butt hits the seat, that flash of light streaks across Zim's eyes. He pauses for a moment then stands straight up. Dib looks both surprised and worried by this.

ZIM

Decrepit teaching drone!

MS. BITTERS (not insulted)

Yes Zim?

ZIM

I must request that the Dib and I switch seats for the rest of class.

DIB

What?

MS. BITTERS

Why?

Beat

ZIM (matter of fact)

Doctor's orders.

Beat

MS. BITTERS

Very well, DIB! Fulfill Zim's ridicules demand!

DIB

But, but I-

Ms. Bitters slithers right up to Dib's face and growls at him.

DIB (defeated)

Okay.

Dib and Zim cross the front of the classorrm toward each other's seats, as they pass each other Dib gives Zim a hate filled look, Zim seemingly ignores him, humming as he marches past. Zim comfortably sits in Dib's seat and looks over to Dib. The rest of the class is looking at Dib too. Dib is standing next to Zim's seat, looking at all of the people looking at him. He then looks at the seat and grudgingly sits in it. As soon as his butt hits the chair, the camera focuses on the rest of the class, Dib is just off camera. Flashing lights, bellowing smoke and horrible sounds are heard from Dib.

DIM (OS)

Ahh, ohh, eek, hot, hot, hot, (gurgle), ha ha ha that tickles, (and various other painful and questionable sounds).

The camera focuses back on Dib. He is now strung up by his hair, his glasses are held aloft by two mechanical arms (as if they were designed to remove Zim's contact lenses), he is dripping wet and covered in meat slabs. To add insult to injury- a cartoonish arrow shaped sign springs up from the desk pointing at Dib with the words "Alien" written on it. The children begin laughing at his expense.

ZIM

See, I told you it was hazardous to my health.

Dib just glares at Zim.

INT. SKOOL CAFETERIA- LUNCH TIME

The skool bell rings. A typical day of lunch, Dib is sitting at a table with Gaz, whom is playing her GS2.

DIB

I know he's up to something Gaz, there was no way he could have known I've rigged his desk like that. It's almost as if he's spying on me; like he knows my every move.

GAZ

Why do you always have to sit near me?

DIB

I'm your brother, and besides all of the other kids beat me up.

GAZ

So that's all I have to do.

Beat

DIB

But this time I'm ready for him. If he can see what I'm plotting than I'll just have to do something completely erratic and unpredictable. Something that he will never see coming.

Gaz reaches a hand up to strangle Dib.

DIB

Oh look, here he comes.

Dib slips under the table just as Gaz was about to grip his neck. She wrenches her fist than turns her full attention back to her game. Zim walks into the room holding his tray of food. He sits down at an empty table and looks around casually. He pokes at his food and then the flash of light streaks across his eyes. Blank faced, Zim falls completely backward in his seat just as Dib jumps through where his head was, accidentally tackling Torque Smacky who just happened to be passing behind Zim at that moment. Zim sits up and looks at Dib. Dib stands up but not without Torque giving him a punch in the arm.

ZIM (faking innocence)

I'm sorry little pig human, was that unplanned assault intended for me?

DIB

How did you do that Zim? The was no way anyone could have dodged that! Are you spying on me? Are you reading my thoughts?… HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT!

ZIM (belittling Dib)

Nonsense, dull-witted earth pig, you're just becoming predictable that's all.

DIB

Predictable! I'm not predictable! You just got lucky!

Zim gets up from his seat with his try of food.

ZIM (teasing Dib)

I knew you were going to say that.

Zim walks off, Dib looks really angry now.

MONTAGE

(through the whole bit, Dib is trying multiple ways to expose Zim as an alien, but each time Zim predicts his next move and reacts accordingly, sending Dib's trap right back in his face)

Dib is filling up a water balloon in the skool hallway at a water fountain and he throws the water balloon at Zim (who's back is turned to him). Zim's eyes flash and he steps to the side, catches the balloon on his foot (like a hacky sack) and kicks it back to Dib.

Zim is leaning against the lockers in the halls fiddling with some Irken handheld devise. His eyes flash and, without looking up from his devise, turns a combination lock on a locker and swings it open just as Dib comes running at him from that direction, Obviously hitting the locker door.

(these antics continue at increasing rate)

INT. SKOOL YARD- DAY

Dib, beaten to a pulp, is standing face to face with Zim, breathing heavily and staring extremely angrily at Zim. Zim is ignoring him, buried in a good Irken book. Zim calmly looks up at his adversary.

ZIM (smugger than ever)

Predictable.

He returns to his book. Dib raises a finger to Zim and inhales like he is about to give Zim a piece of his mind but the skool bell rings signifying that recess is over. Dib saves face and goes inside. Zim folds his book under his arm and happily walks toward the skool. But as he touches the handle of the doors the light flashes across his eyes showing an image of Zim as road kill. Zim screeches and recoils at this vision, looks at the door, hesitates, and climbs in a side window.

INT. SKOOL HALLWAYS- CONT'D

Zim steps down from the window into the skool hall, the last of the kids are filing into the classrooms. Zim cautiously runs over to Ms. Bitters' class. But as he was just about to take another step towards the door, his eyes flash and another vision appears showing Zim strung out across an examination table surrounded by earth scientist. Zim screeches and runs away from the classroom down the hall.

INT. BOY'S WASHROOM- CONT'D

Zim runs into the boy's washroom and slams the door behind him. He presses up against the door and breathes heavily.

ZIM

What's going on? Are these really the immediate results of my actions? I need to get my head clear! I must control these predictions.

Zim walks over to a sink and hoists himself up to look in the mirror. He stares at his reflection.

Beat

His eyes flash and a horrible vision appears of Dib standing victorious over Zim's corpse with the media taking pictures and interviewing him. Zim snaps back from this vision, screeches a few times, runs around in circles and runs out the washroom.

INT. SKOOL HALLWAYS- CONT'D

Zim frantically zig-zags down the halls, constantly having his eyes flashes and screeching at what is no doubt a horrible and seemingly unrelated outcome to his simplest actions. He finally finds a spot under some stairs to rest himself. Zim is holding himself in a fetal position rocking back and forth.

ZIM

No! This was not supposed to be! The predictions, the are showing too far into the future, the outcomes are too unpredictable! Maybe if I just stayed here. Yes, the future cannot hurt me if I do absolutely nothing. Zim, Zim, Zimmmmmm.

Zim closes his eyes and rests a bit, but a vision of his dusty old skeletal remains in the exact same position with cob webs around him appear. Zim snaps awake and screeches like he's never screeched before. He runs out from under the stairs.

Zim (running In the halls)

No! This isn't going away, I must find a way to reverse it! But the laser is back at my base, and I can't go outside! The future is going to hurt my Squigally-spooch!

Zim runs down the halls and comes across the nurses office. He stops in his tracks and looks up at a sign by the door. The sign list the facilities: Wedgy Burns, Radiation Burns, Tuna Casserole Burns, and Laser Eye Surgery. Zim grins with a sense of relief.

EXT. WALL OF SKOOL OUTSIDE NURSES OFFICE- CONT'D

Awesome electric flashes of light beam through the windows showing a silhouette if Zim.

INT. OUTSIDE MS. BITTER'S CLASS- AFTERNOON

The skool bell rings and the children leave the class, Dib comes out last and looks around suspiciously. He comes face to face with Zim, smoke raises from Zim's eyes, Zim looks very proud of himself.

DIB

Your eyes are smoldering.

ZIM

Yes, yes. That is the burning passion of an Irken Invader. But enough of your praise. I have foiled your plan Dib.

DIB

What plan, I mean you have foiled every plan I've thrown at you today, but what plan are you talking about?

ZIM

The one where you try to drive me to paranoid insanity with horrible and completely false vision of the future… But no more! I have freed myself of your trickery!

DIB

That was your plan.

ZIM

Huh?

DIB

(scoff) You did it to yourself Zim, You altered yourself someway so that you could predict the future… and no you've undone the whole process.

ZIM

YOU LIE! And besides, that wasn't part of my evil plan anyways.

DIB

So what is your plan?

Zim

What?

DIB

Your plan! You said yesterday you were going to devise an evil plan that I couldn't find a flaw in.

ZIM

Oh yes that… well, um… I got kind of… distracted.

Beat

DIB

Tomorrow then?

ZIM

Yeah tomorrow for sure.

DIB

Whatever.

Beat.

ZIM

I AM ZIMMMM!

Zim runs down the hall holding his hands up high, Dib just rolls his eyes and walks in the other direction. As Zim runs down the hallway, he slips on a puddle of water near a fountain, skids a few feet, accidentally pulls a fire alarm, the sprinklers rain down on him sizzling as it hits his flesh. He runs around in agony and bursts through the front door, runs into a random kid, the kid's lunch box opens and human food flies out and rams into Zim's throat mid-scream. Zim teeters and falls off the side of the front steps into a bush. He crawls out of the bush looking like a complete mess.

ZIM

(groan) I should have seen that coming.

Zim collapses.

FADE TO BLACK


End file.
